Sex Isn’t Vulgar, Slut-shaming Is.

slut-shaming_brainsoverblondeThree words that I hope we can remove from our vocabulary: “Good Girls,” Whores, and Slut-shaming.

Good girls don’t give it up on the first date. Good girls cover up. Good girls ask for permission.

The only time we hear the term “good boy” is in reference to a dog (no shade to dogs, I love you guys). Instead, we say things like “boys will be boys,” absolving men of all responsibility for their actions. Of course, we can’t blame men for their innate sexual desires.

Women, on the other hand, are slut-shamed for even the slightest suggestion of sexual desires.

Here are a few things I’ve been called a slut for:

  1. Joining a sorority
  2. Acting friendly towards a male stranger
  3. Posting an Insta of me in a bikini

Often these comments are masked with a joke, but slut jokes are whoreable. They inevitably spread and can damage your reputation. I chose the pictures in this article due to the high probability that someone, somewhere would see them and call me a slut.

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“I heard she was born naked, that slut.”

Slut-shaming is the cultural tendency to condemn women for expressing sexuality

Men aren’t the only ones guilty of slut-shaming though. Girl-on-girl crime is rampant.

It pains me to admit this, but I’m guilty of slut-shaming. Cringe. I know. There have been times when I’ve judged a woman for say, having a one-night-stand, instead of seeing her as a sexually empowered female.

Studies show that women, in particular, are guilty of this type of gossip. We use gossip as a tool for solidifying friendships, but it’s also a means of isolating those in “outgroups” in order to distinguish ourselves from them. In this case, the outgroup is the SLUTS. It’s like a real life version of The Scarlet Letter.

The role of internalized misogyny

My perspective is, it’s not exactly our fault that we want to distinguish ourselves from “the sluts.”

That said, there are a ton of badass babes out there already standing up against slut-shaming. Shout out to you ladies and keep doing what you’re doing.

As women, we’re constantly walking a fine line

One of the reasons I created Brains over Blonde is because I want to change the fact that women are constantly walking a fine line:

Act like a man in meetings, but don’t be bossy.

Be sensitive, but don’t be “crazy” emotional.

Flirt, but don’t be a tease.

Show off your assets, but leave something to the imagination.

Have an opinion, but don’t be a bitch.

Dance sexy, but don’t look like a stripper.

Look put together, but don’t wear too much makeup.

Wear heels, but don’t be taller than guys.

Don’t be a slut, but don’t be a prude.

You know what I’m a slut for? Gender equality.

Men don’t walk on these tightropes. A shirtless guy isn’t slutty… he’s getting some sun. A guy who sleeps with a lot of women isn’t impure… he’s a ladies man. I’ve never heard anyone call a man “loose.”

Women, on the other hand, are shamed for being sexual, yet we’ve been sexualized our entire lives. Instead of teaching young girls to “act like a lady” and cover up, why don’t we teach young boys about equality?

Note: I want to mention that rape culture and victim-blaming are a painful part of this as well, but I’m not covering that today.

Your body is your business

Your body is your business. No one else’s. It’s taken me years to internalize this, and I’m still working on it.

My best advice? Develop a strong sense of self, and practice self-respect. Self-respect is not about covering up or practicing abstinence. Self-respect is about loving yourself and doing what makes you happy.

Do you love to shake your booty on the dance floor? I wish I had your moves!

Do you have as much sex as you want? Get it girl! Sex is empowering.

Waiting for marriage? You do you!

Do you hate wearing a bra? Same.

Respect yourself enough to do what you want to do. The best part is that NONE of this makes you more or less intelligent, desirable, or professional.

Can we all agree to be on each other’s side?

All people, all genders — let’s stand up for one another. Policing others’ attire or sexual activity doesn’t put you on some moral high-ground. In fact, it says more about you than it does about the other person.

Sometime soon, you’re going to witness (or even be guilty of) slut-shaming. When this happens, I ask that you please call out the fact that people’s personal choices are no one else’s business.

So be free! Do what you want, wear what you want, be who you want. There’s no such thing as a “good girl.” Be a good person. And I’ll have your back.

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4 comments
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  • ElizaSeptember 8, 2017 - 9:47 am

    Holy shit…..this is TOO REAL. There are so many things I haven’t done not because I don’t want to…. but because I’m afraid of what other people will think. I need to start doin me!ReplyCancel

  • KelseySeptember 8, 2017 - 11:46 am

    You are brilliant and articulate! Love reading your posts. Happy Friday!ReplyCancel

    • AnnaSeptember 15, 2017 - 1:07 pm

      Thank you so much Kelsey!! <3ReplyCancel

  • CamilleSeptember 15, 2017 - 12:28 pm

    Wow…I never realized how awful term “good girl” is before reading thisReplyCancel

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