My Breast Advice For Your Boob Job Prep + Recovery

Can u believe there’s still a difference between legal and illegal nipples?

I waited for the moment my boobs felt fully healed and settled before writing a blog post with all the nitty gritty details of my surgery and recovery. You’ve sent tons of questions, and rest assured I’ll get to all of your nosy-AF-inquiries (lol jk u know I’m an open book) in this post! But be forewarned, it’s gonna be a long one 😉

So I’m really enjoying my new knockers. It’s only been four months since my boob job, but they already feel like part of me… like, one with my body, ya know? It’s the best. It’s also ironic because I never felt that way before I had fake boobs.

When I first got boobs in 2nd grade, they certainly didn’t feel like mine. Like what the actual fuck was happening. I was an F cup by 8th grade, so I layered on multiple sports bras in an attempt to deflate the watermelons attached to my chest against my will. After years of breast-related bullying from my teenage peers, I decided to get a breast reduction at age 18. Finally, I felt like I had control over my body again. I was so relieved no longer hate my boobs.

Every year for the past 10+ years since then, I’ve fallen more and more in love with my body. I respect it more; I take better care of it. I work hard for it, and I want to enjoy it. Last year I realized that… I even want to enjoy my boobs. This was a novel concept for me.

Could I, Anna Wood, once agonizingly nicknamed “Uniboob” and “Boob Wood,” actually like having boobs?

At this point, my boobs had totally deflated due to age and weight loss and the resulting loose skin was uncomfortable. I also had scars from my breast reduction. None of this bothered me too much; I’m proud of my body and its history. (As any of my friends will tell you, I’m the token “naked person” in the group.)

brains over blonde breast reduction scars

So, ya, I was proud of my ta-tas before my boob job. I didn’t love them, they weren’t fun, they housed some painful memories, but I was proud of them.

I loved my body and I loved myself even more. I loved myself so much that I thought, “what if I treated myself to something fun, just for me? What if I could actually LOVE MY BOOBS?” A lil silicone never hurt anyone, right?

brains over blonde boob job

WRONG :). Turns out silicone was a problem for some of you. I never intended to hurt anyone, but I also wildly disagreed with the sentiment.

TWO QUICK ANNOUNCEMENTS:

  1. Feminists can have fake tits.
  2. Surgically enhanced bodies are worthy of love.

B/B reader Zarina coined this my “Boob Initiative.” More on this here.

Anyway, it wasn’t anyone else’s business because what I do with my body is my choice and no one else’s (& the same goes for every one of you!) So, I made the decision and went for it. It was honestly SO liberating. The Feminist Formerly Known As Boob Wood was getting boobs BY CHOICE because she WANTED THEM. Wild. I was proud of myself. It felt feminist and body positive as fuck. And, for those interested, I’m going to share every lil detail of what I learned and experience along the way below.

Do your boob job research

1. Find the best surgeon for you

I can’t emphasize this enough.

Boob jobs are one of the most common plastic surgery procedures – so common, in fact, that they’ve basically been commoditized. There are surgeons out there that will do this surgery insanely cheap just to get you in the door as one of their patients so they can upsell you later on. If you go with the cheapest bidder (ahem, doctor), you will indeed end up with two orbs on your chest. For some people, that’s good enough: they didn’t have big boobs before and, hey, now they do… *yay.* BUT… you’re going to get what you pay for.

I like to think of surgeons as artists. Like artists, different surgeons have varying levels of skill and experience. They specialize in different types of work and procedures. Every surgeon has a different eye and unique aesthetic, so what looks good to them may or may not look good to you or on your body. That’s why it’s SO important not only to find the best surgeon, but to find the best surgeon FOR YOU. This goes for any plastic (or non-plastic) surgery procedure btw, not just boob jobs.

I did LOTS of research. I scoured websites, Instagrams, and reviews. I asked my boobilicious friends for their recommendations. I had consultations with four different doctors. Ultimately, it was an easy decision to go with Dr. Jay Calvert.

A coaching client-turned-dear-friend recommended Dr. Calvert to me. She’s had nine breast surgeries with the top surgeons in LA (including some famous ones you’ve heard of if you watch Bravo… which I’m assuming you do), and Dr. Calvert is the only one who got it right for her. As soon as I met him, I could see why. He’s meticulous. He’s a perfectionist just like I am (an indispensable quality in a plastic surgeon.) He doesn’t care about social media (something I admittedly overweighed during my initial research process), he just cares about his patients. He’s professional yet funny and he just has the eye. I got good vibes and that’s what you want in a plastic surgeon – someone who makes you feel comfortable… (this person is going to literally be cutting your body wide open. srsly.)

Dr. Calvert is an expert at revisional breast surgery, which is much more complex than a first-time breast augmentation. Since I’d already had a breast reduction and all the scars that come along with that, we made a plan that was specifically tailored to me.

Many of you asked me about getting plastic surgery overseas for cheaper rates. I’ll be honest… this scares me. A large percentage of Dr. Calvert’s work is correcting botched surgeries done overseas. You’re not going to save money on surgery if you just have to get it corrected. By the way, health and safety regulations are very different overseas. All I ask is that you take care of yourself and do your research, please!

Obviously, if you’re in the LA area, Dr. Calvert is who I recommend. If not, look at before and after photos and make sure the surgeon’s aesthetic matches yours. Talk to previous patients. Make sure she’s a BOARD CERTIFIED SURGEON. You should feel comfortable and have chemistry and trust her implicitly.

2. Decide which implants are right for you

Oh sistas, “How many ccs are your implants? I want the exact same size!” was prob the most common question I got from you. I promised you I would share exactly what size and style implants I got in this post, and I will. But first, I want to preface it with some things.

brains over blonde boob job

Implant Size

Trust me, I was a freak about getting the size right. But now that I’ve been through the process I realize that implant size is important, but balance with your figure is WAY more important.

You and your doctor should determine your implant size based on your individual body type and measurements and breast tissue, NOT based on some photo you saw on Pinterest or how many ccs* I (or anyone else) got. A good surgeon/artist will help you determine the ideal implant size based on your height, weight, rib and shoulder widths, breast weight and height, and breast tissue and density.

*ccs = cubic centimeters (bra size varies widely by manufacturer and is therefore not considered standard)

Essentially, 350 ccs (which is what I got), could look COMPLETELY different on you than it does on me. Keep in mind I had wide breasts (since I’d previously had a breast reduction) and was already a 32D before I got implants (mostly because of width, they weren’t that full.) I’m a full 32DD now. Everyone’s body and goals are different, and it would be illogical for someone else to try to get the “same” results I have. Plastic surgery isn’t about emulating someone else’s features, it’s about enhancing your own features!

The age-old boob job advice is “always go bigger than you think.” Apparently, lots of people end up getting bigger implants later on because they regret going too small. I didn’t think this would be the case for me because I never wanted huge boobs, I just wanted more proportional ones. I really trusted my surgeon, so I let him make the final call on size while I was under anesthesia (THAT’S the level of trust we had.) If I’d been awake, I would have said 300 ccs max. But I couldn’t be happier with the call he made (after actually evaluating my body and tissues during surgery.) My boobs looked a little too big to me right after my surgery, but once the swelling went down and they “settled,” they were literally the EXACT right size for my body and the vision I had described to my doctor.

Basically, you’re Goldilocks, and your doctor needs to find you the perfect chair. Some doctors will let you talk them into giving you a chair that’s too big or too small for your frame. Trust your doctor’s expertise. If you can’t trust her expertise, she’s not the right doctor.

P.S. If you have tiny ta-tas and you know you want huge ones, you might not be able to achieve your ideal results all at once; it may take multiple procedures for your body to adjust (be cautious of surgeons who over-promise!) Also know that there’s a chance there will be more breast surgeries in your future regardless. Sometimes implants need to be replaced after 10-15 years, and bodily changes (like weight change and pregnancy) are also major factors.

Implant Type

“Implant profile” was a new term for me. Basically, it’s all about the projection of the implant (low, moderate, mid, or high). Mine are high 🙂 The perkier the better as far as I’m concerned.

My implants are silicone (as opposed to saline), and most implants are these days. Silicone is, however, more expensive than saline.

Btw, you may have heard of “Gummy Bear Implants” which are v popular in our social media day and age. They’re a perfect example of what a brand name can do; everyone is requesting these by name! The material in these implants is gummy, and therefore also firmer and rounder. Make sure that’s the look and feel you want before dropping the “Gummy Bear” name. For me personally, I wanted a softer, more natural look and feel.

Implant Placement

Your breast implants can be placed either over or under the muscle.

When implants are placed under the muscle, the breasts can look more natural, except when the chest muscles are flexed, which can distort the breast. You’ve probably seen bodybuilders with unusual looking boobs because of this (Dr. Calvert calls it “animation issues.”) The recovery is tougher when you go under the muscle because it damages the muscle.

My implants were placed over the muscle, and this was also a call I trusted Dr. Calvert to make based on my physiology during the actual surgery. Like with ccs, this is a decision that should be made based on your individual body type (and how much breast tissue and muscle you have), not based on what someone else you know did.

Incisions & Scars

So apparently there are all sorts of incision locations they can use to insert implants in these days – like the nipple, armpit, and even belly button. My incisions are under my breasts, about two inches long each. Under-the-breast incisions are usually the best option because the implant can be placed most accurately. Of course, consult with your doctor on what will be optimal for your body rather than requesting a specific incision location.

Many of you asked if I “worried about the scars” when getting my boob job. The answer is a hard no. First of all, I already had scars in that location (and then some) from my breast reduction. Second, this is plastic surgery. Scars kind of come with the territory. If you’re paranoid about scars, it might not be the right fit for you.

I can’t tell you how your scars will look and heal because (you guessed it), every individual is different. How have other scars on your body healed in the past? Are they soft and white? Are they keloid scars (raised)? Are they darker? This is likely how your breast augmentation scars will heal too. I’m fortunate in that my scars heal well. They’re thin and turn from pink to white over time.

Financing

A quick Google search tells me that the average cost of a boob job is $3,718 (via the American Society of Plastic Surgeons.) Mine was… more than that. By a lot. But I also chose to go to one of the best surgeons with the best facilities in one of the most competitive and expensive cities.

If you ask me, surgically augmenting your body is not the time to cut corners financially. You get what you pay for. You don’t want to have live with (or pay to correct) botched surgery. If you can’t afford to get it done right, create a budget, save, and do it in the future. And plz plz plz DO NOT go broke over plastic surgery.

Many surgeons will offer financing options through Carecredit or MD Credit (or similar.) Typically, you pay for about half your surgery upfront and the rest is split into monthly payments for about six months (after that you’re stuck with interest fees.)

Prep for your surgery

So, you’re gettin’ new knockers! FUN! Do yourself a favor and prepare for your surgery so that your recovery is as seamless as possible. You will thank yourself later, trust.

Surgery Prep To-Do List:

  1. Go shopping. (HEHE this is fun so far, right??) Assume that you’re not going to be able to run errands for about a week, so get everything you might need or want in advance. Fill your prescriptions (and bring them with you to your surgery.) Get Colace (stool softener) bc the pain meds make you constipated (you’ll thank me later.) You can eat anything, but to be safe, get simple foods that are easy to digest. Prepare your book / podcast / movie / tv binging lists. Get STRAWS for sippin lots of water and a service bell if u like to be dramatic. Here’s some inspo:
  2. Get all of your to-do’s done beforehand. Assume that you will need to take at least a week off from work (maybe two, depending on your job.) If you work from home like I do you can probably sneak some work in before that but we’ll get to that in a sec. All of your household shit (cleaning, laundry, etc.) needs to get done beforehand.
  3. Arrange for support. Someone needs to pick you up after surgery and stay with you for at least one night (I’d say 3 nights is ideal.) If you live alone, be sure to set this up well in advance! You won’t be able to get up easily on your own or carry anything. YOU WILL NEED HELP. (I put that in caps bc I def stubbornly thought I wouldn’t need help and I was dead wrong.) If you have kids, arrange for childcare.

I was SO NERVOUS to tell my mom I was getting a boob job. But she handled it like a champ and insisted on coming down to LA to stay with me for a couple of days. I thought this was super unnecessary I MEAN I’M A GROWN WOMAN but oh my god, I’m so glad I had my mom there. Moms just know how to take care of ya. She took care of me during my breast reduction too, so we’ve rly come full circle at this point.

For some reason that I really can’t explain, I wasn’t nervous at all before my surgery. But if you are, I’d say that’s way more typical. It’s a big deal! Distract yourself with (non-alcohol-related) plans the night before, something relaxing like a movie night. Ideally, schedule your surgery for first thing in the morning so you just wake up and go and don’t have too much time to overthink it. Don’t eat or drink anything before your surgery. Come wearing comfy clothes that are easy to remove (wear a jacket with a zip-front so it’s easy to put on and remove post-surgery.) Oh, & make sure you RLY love your look bc prob be wearing it for a few days, lol. You’ll want to shower & wash your hair right before surgery for the same reason.

When you get to the surgery center, stay grounded and relaxed. Your doctor will mark you up (if you have any questions or concerns, always OVER-communicate! This is not the time to be shy.) You’ll lay down on the surgery table and your anesthesiologist will make small talk and ask you a question or have you count down from ten and next thing you know….

brains over blonde boob job

goin for the lunch lady chic lewk

… You’ll wake up from what feels like the most intense nap of your life.

What to expect after your surgery

CONGRATS ON THE TITS!  You’ll feel groggy and delirious and maybe a lil silly when you wake up. Some ppl wake up nauseated from the anesthesia (I know this is a problem for me so I asked my anesthesiologist to give me antinausea medication in my IV!) You’ll be in pain (your chest might feel tight), but nothing crazy at this point because the meds are still in your system. You’ll get whisked away in a wheelchair and go home and prob fall asleep immediately.

brains over blonde boob job

not gonna lie i was basically on another planet

Day 1 (Surgery Day)

My friend Lexi picked me up from my surgery (and snapped the glam shot above.) The only thing I remember about the ride home was that my knockers hurt when she drove over bumps. I’m pretty sure I asked her to drive super slowly as I held my chest in place. Once we arrived back at my apartment, my mom had arrived and I couldn’t wait for us all to hang out together (it was my mom’s first time meeting Lexi)!!!! YAY! Then I took my meds and fell asleep 5min later and they chatted for hours and became friends w/o me.

brains over blonde boob job

childhood stuffed animals are a must. this was before I had my bed and my mattress was still on the floor!

Btw speaking of meds, I recommend staggering your muscle relaxant (for anxiety and muscle tightness) and your pain meds so that you always have something in your system. You’ll also want to WRITE DOWN what meds you take, how much, and what time because YOUR MEMORY WILL BE TERRIBLE.

Speaking of memory, I’m v grateful that I documented my recovery on IG stories. I had to go back and re-watch them all just to write this article, bc frankly, I don’t remember much now. And off the cuff, I would have said the recovery wasn’t bad at all. But in the moment, I was in a lotta pain.

Anyway back to Day 1. I didn’t do much other than sleep. I did a bit of documenting for u all to let you know I was alive and well, but it hurt to lift my phone so I didn’t do much. I was in “much more paint than I thought I’d be.” It hurt to carry the weight of my boobs, so laying down and staying horizontal was my position of choice. Getting up from bed was THE MOST EXCRUCIATING THING EVER… that I do remember (& probably will never forget). It was made worse by the fact that I was sleeping on a mattress on the ground and didn’t have my bed yet, so it was hard to get much leverage. I remember my mom crouching behind my head trying to lift me from my shoulders (lol) – THANKS MOM!

This was the moment I realized how necessary it truly is to have someone (a mom-like or very patient, caring figure) with you the first couple days. Of course, my doc told me that, so I shouldn’t have been surprised. But I’m stubborn and fiercely independent and obviously thought the rules didn’t apply to me. My mom helped me get to the bathroom, empty my drains a couple times a day (I had one on each boob), and made sure I remembered to eat, drink, and take my meds.

Overall though, Day 1 was WAYYYY less painful than Day 1 of my breast reduction. (But, of course, that is a more intense surgery and I stayed overnight with a morphine drip sooo….)

Day 2 (24hr Check-up Appointment)

The first night was fucking rough. I couldn’t get comfortable, despite being propped up with pillows and having a pharmacy of drugs at my disposal. The couple times I did manage to fall asleep, I’d suddenly get jolted awake by shooting pains when my meds wore off. The worst part of all was having to pee. I’d dread it so much that I’d hold it and hold it and hold it until I ABSOLUTELY COULDN’T HOLD IT ANY LONGER and then I’d make some v disturbing noises while my mom helped me get out of bed (it was def a two-person job). I normally drink a shit ton of water, and I was purposefully not drinking much just to avoid peeing at all.

My mom went for a walk and coffee outing in the morning, which meant I stayed in bed for hours bc I legit couldn’t get up. I did lots of chillin. Lots of Bravo.

The *BIG OUTING* of the day was to go back to see Dr. Calvert to get my bandages taken off. After surgery, I was all wrapped up in a paper mache-like cast, but on Day 2, it was officially time to start wearing the surgical bra (*spoiler alert* this bra would become the bain of my existence). My mom drove me (don’t drive while on pain meds!) and I was equal parts excited and nervous because I knew this would be the first time I got to actually SEE my boobs post surgery!!!

I was nervous because I’ll NEVER FORGET when I first saw my boobs post breast reduction. It was a few days after, and I was at home (they had me take off the bandages myself the first day I could shower). I peeled off the gauze as I looked in the mirror of my childhood bedroom and was instantly horrified. My boobs were… square. And looked like someone had hacked them apart like Frankenstein and put them back together with black fishing wire. I pretty much immediately accepted the “fact” that I would never like the look of my boobs… but at least they wouldn’t be so big that it hurt. (The anchor scar shape often used in breast reductions completely reshapes the breast. Just like with breast augmentations, it takes time for your boobs to “settle” and “fall” into place. After six weeks or so they looked fine.)

Anyway, this time around was a different story. Not to brag or anything but MY BOOBS ALREADY LOOKED AWESOME!!! The implants were higher (they hadn’t settled yet) and my boobies were bigger than they are now (they were super swollen at the time) – but I got to have a pretty good idea of how they would ultimately look (and not gonna lie, I was stoked). They weren’t even that bruised (the bruising would come a few days later) and I had tape over the incisions under my breasts. The drains would be left in for a few more days.

I reluctantly put the surgical bra on (I just wanted to stare at ’em all day). It’s big and black and hideous and clasps in the front but felt like a HUGE relief at the time compared to the paper mache cast. The surgical bra was more comfortable, less tight, caused less pressure, and I could breathe already.

Day 3

Dr. Calvert warned me Days 2-3 would be the worst in terms of pain, and he was right. I have a pretty high pain tolerance, but even so, I spent my day horizontal.

Despite being horizontal 99% of the time, sleeping proved to be incredibly difficult. I just couldn’t get comfortable. And I’m not really a back sleeper. I like to be fully fetal.

It also just so happens that the furniture I’d been waiting six weeks for arrived on this very day (how convenient). It was white glove delivery THANK GOD bc I couldn’t lift a feather. I got my blush rug, armchairs, and stone coffee table – so the living room was finally starting to look like… home! I was stoked.

Not stoked enough to stay awake for long though. It’s kinda mind-boggling how exhausted I got from doing literally nothing. Mom got tired of watching me nap and went home.

P.S. Going on Day 3 of the same outfit.

Day 4 (Shower time!)

I GOT TO SHOWER!!!! Omfg it felt so good to get clean. Plus, I got to see the ta-tas again IRL & they were lookin fine. Aftwerward, I had to put the surgical bra back on RIGHT AWAY (ugh). I wanted to just stareeeee at them in the mirror but it was so freezing and I couldn’t lift my blow dryer to dry my hair. So instead I popped on an old college sweatshirt (switching my loyalties back over to Cal after spending 4 days in Stanford thermal leggings).

Main activities of the day were face masks and Olaplex treatments. My skin was lookin really good tbh.

Day 5 (Drain Removal)

Back to Dr. Calvert’s office to get the drains removed! It’s NOT comfy when the nurse pulls them out, but it’s BEYOND worth it. The drain on my left boob, in particular, was tugging and felt super uncomfortable. BIG DAY!

Now that the drains were out, it was time to start MASSAGING THE JUGS. This helps to get the circulation going and reduce inflammation. I started doing 5min of massage 3-6 times a day. Every time I’d look down I’d think, “holy shit, where did THOSE come from!” It’s super weird not having boobs and then all of a sudden having them like whhaaaaaaat!?

Also, it’s funny that they say “no exercise” – bc it literally wouldn’t be possible. But if for some supernatural reason you have the energy to go to cardio kickboxing, don’t. Your blood pressure will raise and your boobs will swell.

Day 6

All of a sudden I turned a corner and just… felt better. The day before I could barely stand, but on Day 6 I could get up and down easily, I could get food and water for myself, it was crazy. I task-batched my email to power through what I’d missed.

And… get this… I left the house for recreational purposes! My friend came over and we went to the beach. Granted, I live on the beach. So it wasn’t that far of a treck. But it was a big deal, trust me. And obvi, the surgical bra came with.

brains over blonde boob job

Whoever said surgical bras couldn’t b the new bikini top was srsly disturbed amiright Y or N

I had a funfilled day and wasn’t in too much pain!

Day 7

Everything was getting easier. I could go about most of my daily routine outside of working out and lifting things. (The doorman and my neighbors were getting RLY annoyed about all my packages….) My balcony door is really heavy so that wasn’t really an option on my own. But I was stoked to be chillin at home because my apartment was starting to come together and feel like home!!!! I’d waited a long time for that; hadn’t felt like I had a “home” for months.

I also got back to work 100%. Of course, I work from home, so I could do this faster than most.

Day 8 (One Week Check-up)

I was feeling good and back working with my coaching clients! One of my clients, who’s also had a boob job, told me that if you put your phone between your boobs it’s basically like a hands-free speakerphone! It worked PERFECTLY with my surgical bra and I still use that lil trick ALL THE TIME bc I’m constantly losing my Airpods. You’re welcome.

I was pretty much off pain meds at this point, so I drove myself to my one week check-up appointment. Dr. Calvert said everything was healing amazingly, and that I could even go in the hottub and pool as long as I showered afterward! (I looooove to hot tub every night so I’d been missing this part of my routine.)

On my way home from the appointment, I went grocery shopping for the first time. I may have gotten a little overzealous because I could barely carry my bags home. But I flexed my female and did it.

Day 9

I continued to be overzealous. I apparently just insisted on it. I ran all around LA and shopped and carried things and my phone died and I couldn’t call and Uber and I ended up in a TON OF PAIN.

I gave myself an extra long boob massage (with Herbivore Botanicals facial oil… I don’t ask for much), but it didn’t help. I pushed it wayyyy too far. Whoops.

Lol, classic me… thinking the recovery rules don’t apply. Everyone told me to plan on doing NOTHING for two weeks, but I figured I’d be ready to roll in two days. I realized it was time to stop trying to make fetch happen. I needed to just EMBRACE THE CHILL. The more I could rest and relax, the sooner I could get better.

I even canceled my therapy session so I could stay home and relax AND WE ALL KNOW MUCH I LOVE GOING TO THERAPY.

Just as I was starting to embrace the chill I dropped my birth control pill on the floor and had to crawl around looking for it for 20min (WHY OH WHY DON’T THEY PUT EXTRA PILLS IN THE PACK FOR THIS VERY REASON?!) I thought my knockers were gonna POP. I held them in place for hours, just holding on for dear life and trying to endure the pain.

I do think my overzealous behavior set my recovery back a few days. I got more swollen and achy and I was pissed at myself for that.

Day 10

I’m trying to “RELAX” remember?! Lucky for me Bachelor in Paradise was airing like 10X a week, so I had lots of content to get through.

Speaking of content, I had ordered like 20 books that I thought I’d read after my surgery, but I’m gonna be honest, it just didn’t happen. It’s hard to focus. I needed an even more passive activity… like… The Real Housewives [of fucking everywhere].

I DID do lots and lots of writing. As you know, I love writing. A lot of my time was devoted to responding to the thousands of messages of support I got from all of you (THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!) I could barely keep up – but just kept feeling flooded with gratitude at your overwhelming love and awesomeness.

But, alas, even if 99% of the messages made my heart explode with happiness, the was still that 1% (this is the Internet after all). I got called a “fake feminist” and was accused of “not supporting body positivity,” and that shit hurt. Part of me knew it was bound to happen, but the other part of me was still shocked because those statements couldn’t be further from the truth. I devote so much time and energy sharing the REAL ME, so it was frustrating feeling so misunderstood.

The cool thing though is, I have a voice, and I have a platform where I can use it (we ALL can). So I wrote this post about what the body positivity movement is all about. I didn’t feel the need to defend myself, but I did see an opportunity to open an interesting dialogue about whether or not plastic surgery has a place in the body positivity movement. I believe that body positivity is about celebrating ALL bodies.

Yes, all bodies. Tattooed ones. Fat ones. Unusual ones. Amputated ones. Freckled ones. Bald ones. Surgically enhanced ones. ALL ones.

My article and social posts got an overwhelmingly positive response from you, including people who admitted to previously judging me. MAD fucking respect for those that came forward to say they changed their mind. Nothing is sexier than the willingness to change your opinion when you get new info. Well done, ladies.

Day 11-14

A little rest went a long way. I got the strength for a few outings! I went to dinner at Boa Steakhouse, attended the Veuve Cliquot polo match (slash Instagram party), saw A Star Is Born in theatres, and belted the lyrics to every single Shallow and I’ll Always Remember Us This Way over and over and over again in my car as I ran the two weeks of errands that had stacked up while I was recovering.

Otherwise, no big updates other than the fact that surgical bra was starting to drive me insane. It felt like a straight jacket for my tits.

Day 15 (Two Week Check-up)

I showed up on my IG stories enthusiastically announcing that I was at my 3-week post-op appointment. Welp. Wrong. It was only my 2-week. Maybe I was kinda losing it… or MAYBEEEE I was just feelin so good it seemed like it had to have been more than two weeks! Prob both. But I blame the surgical bra.

Dr. Calvert was super happy with the results so far; he said my boobs were “healing beautifully.” My swelling had gone down significantly, so he gave me a smaller surgical bra size which was SUPER ANNOYING BC IT WAS BASICALLY LIKE TIGHTENING THE STRAIGHT JACKET EVEN FURTHER HAAAALPPPPP MEEEEEE. I had to wear it for four more weeks which tbh didn’t rly sound possible.

Now that the swelling had gone down significantly, we could see there was still a little bit of loose skin (from my breast reduction and weight loss) in the fold of the cleavage of my left breast. Tbh most ppl would have never even noticed this, but Dr. Calvert and I are both perfectionists (this is why we get along so well). So, we decided we were going to fix it the following week. More on that in a sec….

He did give me some good news though: I was officially allowed to start doing “light workouts.” I asked Dr. Calvert 90543 questions in an effort to understand how he defines a “light workout.” Essentially, the definition is just “don’t be an idiot.” So, no running. No chest exercises (le duh). Nothing that hurts or is uncomfortable. YAY!

Right before I got dressed Dr. Calvert was like, “are you massaging your boobs?” and I was like “ya, literally ALL THE TIME.” He grabbed them and started massaging them SO HARD and I was like “holy shit DAMN I’m not massaging them like THAT!” I needed to step my boob massage game up big time. I made him give me a lesson. I also made the mistake of sharing this story on my IG Story, and was (predictably) bombarded with creepy DMs.

Day 22 (Follow-up Procedure)

I went back to Dr. Calvert a week after my two-week post-op appointment to fix the loose skin we were talking about. It’s worth noting that most surgeries don’t turn out 100000% “perfect” and it’s likely you’ll want to make a small tweak afterward (hey, after going through all of this, you may as well get it right!)

The original plan was to remove the loose skin and restitch that portion of the scar. That’s what most doctors would have done. But Dr. Calvert is an all-star. He REALLY cared about me having the best results humanly possible, and he was worried the scar would be too visible. So, he pivoted to a new plan: fat grafting.

Fat grafting is a new trend in breast augmentations. Dr. Calvert said that one day in the future, we’ll be able to do breast augmentations with fat grafting ALONE (no implants!) Science is fucking nuts u guys. Anyway, rather than cut out the skin, the new plan was to put a lil fat in my boob to FILL OUT the skin instead.

Ok here’s the crazy part: I WAS AWAKE THE ENTIRE TIME.

I was in the exact same operating room as I was when I got my boob job – so it all seemed very official and intense. First, Dr. Calvert identified where he wanted to take the fat from (he decided on my flanks – aka love handles). He numbed me there and also on my left boob. Then he started chatting with me about blogging or sports or WHO KNOWS WHAT as if we were grabbing a coffee or something and not SUCKING OUT MY OWN FAT TO INJECT IT BACK INTO MY OWN BOOB.

Keep in mind: no pain meds, no anxiety meds. Just me. Wide awake. Giggling uncontrollably out of sheer nervousness.

Some nurses and doctors were training, so I shit you not there were 5 or 6 other people in the room. All asking me questions like we were at happy hour or something. This was so weird.

After about 20min I was pretty numb – numb enough to not be in excruciating pain – but not numb enough to prevent me from feeling this creepy suctiony feeling as Dr. Calvert sucked out a teaspoon full of fat from each side (to keep it even). He held it out and asked me if I wanted to take a look! “Nah, I’m good,” I said (lololol). Most of the fat “dies” after you take it out, so the actual amount that would live on in my boob forevermore was tiny.

I flipped over and it was time to inject the fat BACK INTO MY BOOB. What. The. Fuck. Was this really happening? Yes. Yes, it was.

Literally as he’s injecting the fat Dr. Calvert starts telling me about his latest hockey podcast episode. I died.

And then… we were done! My boob honestly looked perfect right away. Just a little plumped up in that one spot that was previously a little concave. WOW! Science is magical. I fucking love science.

I did get some TERRIBLE bruising on my boob and flanks that lasted for about a week after that. Probably in part due to the fact that I had been drinking the night before (not recommended).

Weeks 4-6

These were trying times because for the most part, I felt healed. But I still had to “obey the rules” (which we know I hate).

Wearing the surgical bra every day and night was like a mental fortitude test of how long I could stand it. It was itchy and dug into my skin and gave me weird rash/burns and it was so constricting and just UGH. I CHERISHED my showers so that I could be free for a few minutes. Boob massage was marvelous for the same reason. (and it just feels good. and it makes you heal better. DO YOUR BOOB MASSAGES!!!)

I’d get little aches and pains here and there and went a little stir crazy only being able to do “light workouts.”

Weeks 6-8

I’M FREE!!!!!!!!!!! I threw my surgical bra down the trash shoot and it was one of the most magical feelings in the world.

I started easing into more and more intense workouts day by day (but still avoided chest exercises or anything that just didn’t feel right).

brains over blonde boob job

Month 3

This is where my boobs really started to “settle,” meaning the implants fell into their natural pocket and weren’t sitting so high. The swelling was pretty much gone so they were the size they are now – which is EXACTLY what I wanted.

I felt healed and happy, but I could definitely tell that I’d been through surgery recently. I’d get the occasional sharp pain and still couldn’t comfortably lie on my stomach or get a massage.

Month 4

My jugs finally feel like my own. I’m used to them. My tissues have grown around them. They feel like part of me! And I couldn’t be happier.

The funny thing is, most of my bras from before still pretty much fit (though they’re snug). That’s because my implants mostly filled out and changed the shape of my breasts more so than did the width or size. WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT I ASKED FOR BUT DIDN’T KNOW IF IT WAS POSSIBLE!!!! Dr. Calvert is srsly a genius.

In just a few months my boobs went from being high and tight (and a little larger than expected) right after surgery to basically my dream boobs. AND WHO WOULD HAVE EVER THOUGHT I WAS CAPABLE OF EVEN DREAMING UP “DREAM BOOBS?” Not I. But I love them now and I’m so happy I did this for myself.

Now that my boobs are healed, I feel this great sense of womanly power. No, not because I have a nice rack. But because I did it on my terms. It feels fucking awesome doing something just for me.

Loving my body is what gave me the power to know, without question, what I wanted to do to my body and why. I’ve worked hard for this body, I love it, cherish it, and enjoy it. It’s going to be my body forever!

Have you had a boob job? What did I miss? Question, discuss, comment, critique away in the comments below! TA-TA 4 NOW!

BRAINS OVER BLONDE BOOB JOB

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  • SashaFebruary 13, 2019 - 3:56 pm

    I followed your entire boob job journey start to finish and I just want to say thank you! When you first announced you were getting your boobs done I was surprised because you’re such a feminist, but you opened my eyes to see a different side! It was just my own judgment getting in the way. You are such an inspiration to me and I don’t know where I’d be without your daily instagram posts! Thanks to you, I’m flexin my female every day!ReplyCancel

  • SherylFebruary 14, 2019 - 10:31 am

    OMG! I’m so happy I found this post. I’m getting mine done on Monday and I’m excited but also very nervous. This is exactly the type of real account I was looking for to know what I can expect. Thank you for all the details and advice!ReplyCancel

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